Good days

Since Wednesday things have improved. So thank you for all those who have prayed, really, really appreciate it. Went to see a lady called Irene for a bit of a healing/prayer time. It was great to hear and be reminded about the bigger picture and that my times with Jesus are ever so precious and to be protected. The big message of the night was to stop striving and worrying too much. A hardchange but one that I really want to see in me. Friday was then obviously the first challenge. Lost £25 in the tills in Nero and it makes it look like I stole it or another shift leader. So had a bit of a panic about that but my area manager was actually ok about it. So a lesson in not worrying.
Then Victoria and I went on a road trip down south to start the journey to Wadhurst for Emily and Jono's wedding. It was a beautiful day and a brilliant time of worship during the service. Completely amazing. The reception was great to and I spent time with the lovely Poppy. Have to say sleeping babies are such good therapy.
That brings us to today. And what a day it has been. Welcome to Charlie. Haven't taken a photo yet but it is a coming. Yes Charlie is my black Vespa. It is tres cool. I do think that Baz who sold it to me and Craig did think I was just a little crazy to attempt to drive it home for 30 min. Prolonged by my boyfriend not having a clue as to how to get back from Dunkinfield.
Please do take a moment and imagine the picture. Girl on black Vespa (not stalling once) thinking she is doing 30mph but in fact is doing about 25mph, behind an Audi A4 with two England flags going round in circles in Dunkinfield. Adding rain and cold to the picture..........
I leave you with that thought.:o)

5 days in

So I'm now 5 days into an 8 hour in a row stint at work. How unbiblical is that? I guess though we do lots of unbiblical things all the time like not offering up two doves at the end of our periods. Sorry feeling rather synical about the God thing at the moment. Had an awesome night with it on Monday and really felt God's presence praying with Sally D. So Tuesday day time was brilliant because I felt at peace with God and a sense that all things are possible. But then I slipped up again last night. I just want sex so badly. Should I admit that on the internet? Yes because I guess it is a plea for prayer from those who do actually read my blog. In all honesty it confuses me that this loving God of ours has designed us to want it so bad but then said wait till your married. I mean where is the off switch................(I know the answer-Holy spirit and self control- what if you find it hard to even see the Holy Spirit in your life?)
Anyways enough of the ramblings.
Got a pay rise at work!!!! Bit of a joke instead of £5.35 I know get a whole 50p more. And have to work 5 hours more. The joys and once again I'm working in a disgustingly dirty environment, why do employers never care about your health and safety?

Changes and more changes

A whole week and two days have passed since my last blog- how disgraceful.....
It's been an up and down week. Currently on an eight day week just so I can have this following weekend off. Starting to get me down this whole no benefits and constant shift pattern change. I have moved stores now to Oxford road right in the heart of student ville. Very different. The current manager is only there for another week. I find myself again as an assistant manager which is just suck a sucky role really because your kind of the dogs body without the main responsibilities so you can't really make changes of your own back.
But then again was praying about this last night and God really showed me that most of the situations I'm finding myself in at the moment are his tools to teach me to be and stay assertive to trust in my own decision making abilities. Where working at Freedom really destroyed that ability in me everything now is starting to build it up. I guess I had to be totally broken in it all and then to have it rebuilt my the good Lord. To understand that nearly everything is a journey and that I can't change overnight and can't change things overnight. To chill out and trust in Jesus that he is in control and that there is no condemnation for those who love him and that I am good at making decisions. And also to learn how to manage conflict. All these lessons all these changes.

Vespa baby

So it's official I am now the owner of a 1990 black Vespa 125cc. I get to collect it in 10 days. I paid the guy in Asda car park- I felt like a right wheeler dealer!
That's about the most exciting thing that has happened over the last few days. Over easter I just seemed to be at work constantly. I have now got two days off which is great.
Easter Sunday was a bit different from the rest Craig and I went to a pub near Lymm called the Barn Owl. Right by a canal and I did the classic British thing of insisting on just wearing a T-Shirt and Denim jacket sitting in the sun. Now that does sound idyllic and lovely but one has to remember it's april and not that warm as yet, especially as it was windy. But hey it was in the sun.
Re-watched Lord of the Rings last night- it is still an amazing film and story even after the 6th time of watching it.
Only a week left and I should be going to Oxford Road and getting a pay rise. (Now please no-one get to excitied about the latter as it will only be about 40p a minute) I'm seriously considering writing a novel about working in Britian in minimum wage jobs feeling exploited. It's disgraceful when there are articles after articles in magazines & papers telling us that there is a shift in the employment market to encourage a good life/work balance. What a joke- Nero certainly hasn't heard of that one. What good is a day off when you have zero money- I know let's encourage everyone to get into debt..... Anyway I would apologise for the ramble but it's my blog so I won't. Well done if you have read this far- I would say that I get you a prize but maybe after my third pay rise.;)

Easter Weekend

So I'm working every day over Easter. It sucks and more to the point it sucks that I have not really properly complained about it to my manager. I hinted at it, but that obviously didn't work as much. Had a really hard day yesterday at work. For about 3 hours from when I arrived it was dead and there were 5 of us on. Granted two trainees but nevertheless we had lots of spare bodies who had no idea what to do. Then when it was only 2 of us the preverbial S**t hit the fan. Wasn't out there until 7.15pm on a bank holiday....crazy. And the customers just didn't believe us when we said we close at 6pm. At least the next few days I'm always on an early so at least I get the rest of the afternoon to myself. Realising it is going to take time for me to change into a more decisive, assertive person. Or should I say change back to being that person who knows what they want and when. Because looking back through my journals I definitely was that person at one point.

Money, money, money

I like it when I have money but when I don't it sucks a little, especially when I want around £67,000! Yep that's how much is needed to buy my favourite cafe in Manchester. Funny I can trust God for a tenner but more then that and I can't quite see how he's going to do it this time. But faith is telling me to just trust in my heavenly Dad that he knows best. So I'm working on three career strands- 1) my own unit from scratch 2) going to lenders for an established business and 3) shining at Caffe Nero as management material. I figure one door will open.

On another note I'm learning to be more assertive which is actually funner than I thought it could ever be. Big fear is that I'll turn into bossy, bitch from hell. But I don't think that is realisitcally going to happen. I did rather well with one of my colleagues yesterday. Poor Craig he is going to get the brunt of it. Get the impression though that it will improve our relationship if I speak up a bit more about what I want to do. I guess that's true in all areas of life.

Welcome Brian

Today has been a great day. Woke up and realised that life is really good and all my negative thinking has to stop and there were several occassions were I managed to fight of the negative thinking habits that have become such a bad habit. Whooooo victory.
I did hurt my thumb- I split a nail. Now before anyone thinks that's not so bad it was down to the part where the nail attaches to the skin. There was blood and everything........
On a lighter note had lunch and coffee today with some of my favourite people in the entire world and I'm gutted that I forgot my camera. There was Laura Burton, Fiona Mcintosh, Katy Wareham, Craig and Katy's new boyfriend Brian. Who I have to say seems extremely lovely and seems very much in love with my good friend Katy. I love these guys and I don't think I have laughed as much as today for a long time. So thank you my wonderful friends for making me smile and I am just so sorry that I don't keep in more face to face contact with you.

Tonight it is party time with some new friends I have gained through Craig. Equally lovely and fun to be around. Club V here we come.

Dinner with a stranger

So I have managed to read a christian book that actually inspired me. It almost made me cry at work. Very profound. It's about someone who gets an invite to dinner with Jesus. Jesus answers his questions and explains to him that faith in Jesus is all about trusting in him not our works. Goodness how work orientated have I become?! I haven't let Jesus just hang out with me for ages. So I sat there in my break inviting him in again to come and have dinner with me. I don't feel much different as yet apart from a sense that Jesus is there, and all he wants to do is love me, hang out with me and start showing me again how exciting it can be to follow him. Not religion but a relationship.
I recommend anyone to read it. It's only short. By a guy called David Gregory and is called Dinner with a perfect stranger. Remember Jesus is always there desperate to hang out with us and chat. So well I'm starting to talk and listen.

Girly drinks

So had to go into work to deep clean the store. Wasn't that bad. Still feel though like I need about three days sleep and it didn't help me feel like I had a day off at all. At least I don't have to be in work until 1.30pm today.
After work I went to catch up with the lovely Miss Marta Ciesla. We took Taff for a short walk and then went to House at Home her local pub. It's literally opposite her flat it's great. So we sat there discussing boyfriends, potential mother in laws, babys, God, health and numerous other things. It was great fun and made me really appreciate having a friend like her. Stayed a little longer then planned but it was worth it. Finding it really hard not to have set working pattern. Sounds crazy because when I was in 9-5pm everyday Monday to Friday all I wanted was out of that pattern. I think the main problem is not so much the hours but the fact that we only ever have the rota for a week about two days in advance of that week. So from Monday- Thursday you can't plan for next week and then when you do have your shifts everyone else has planned different things. I'm sure this is a lesson in assertiveness because unless I say something to my Manager about it it will eat me up inside.

Update

Again a few days since I have written. Today I did halve a day of CBT. A clutch and gear bike is harder then I thought to ride and so wasn't safe to go on the road so have to fork out more money for another day. At least it's not the full price again. Finding it all rather hard in my attempt to be good at everything first time round. Crazy how I attempt that it just stresses me out. Now I suddenly have a few hours to spare and not sure what to do with myself. Working ina coffee shop is great but what sucks are the hours and the wage. Why can't shift rotas be done at least two weeks in advance. At that place again where I feel rather overwhelmed with life and all the things I have to do and be to so many people. Bit of a rant but hey. I'm trying to see all experiences as a positive rather then a negative thing, but that's harder then it seems, so if anyone out there has any tips let me know.