Mysterious self

This morning I have been pondering why it is that our rational brain can tell us one thing but our whole body and heart reacts in panic and nervousness when faced with tricky situations? I know that small amounts of adrenalin are good for you but this level is surely dangerous. I'm already shattered by the sheer stress I put myself under. All self made stress by leaving tricky situations to the last minute. After 27 years of knowing and living with myself I should know that I am an organiser and shouldn't leave things to the last moment for fear of giving me a panic attack. But alas in my attempt to please every person in my life I run myself ragged. So here is the story: It's my Dad's 60th birthday in March- a rather important event. At my interview at Nero's two weeks ago I said that I may need time off- May?!?!?! I really want to go so it's a yes I want time off situation. But oh no I'm thinking "they may not employ me" "Craig will only have been back for a period of time and will be upset with me" So I say " I may need time off" then don't say anything straight away leaving it to 3 weeks before hand, when flights are in short supply and expensive and I have lost countless minutes of sleep over it all. When all in all I want to go and know that it's really important to do so. I wish I could explain this kind of behaviour within me. I mean it's not like I didn't know my Dad was turning 60 this year. But I really can't. So yes near panic attack just because I've done it all at the last moment. And it's now time to get ready for work and it's still not all sorted. Brain and actions don't always work together in my life.......