It's Tuesday?!

Not had a moment to update this since Thursday. It's my day off today and I'm just chilling with Blue and Jesus. This morning I read a familiar passage again in Matthew 19. It's were the discpiples ask him who can be saved. For the first time I imagined their indignation that it would be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. You can hear their "I've given all up for you what do I get" and Jesus with such grace tells them what they will receive in eternity.
I want eternity back in my heart. Really been thinking about this a lot lately. How I can just live my life on a daily basis without thinking about eternity anymore like I used to. Especially in the last few weeks it has hit home how uncertain life can be. Really been struggling with back pain from work, to the point over the weekend where I just wanted to cry and give up. It just scared me in terms of my own shop and whether I can cope with the amount of walking and standing on my feet all day long. But this morning I am reminded that if we trust in God and put our worries in his hands he will look after the plans he has in our life. Not being idle but trusting our mental worries to him.

On a more update note these are a few of the things I have done over the last few days:
Dinner with George and Jan and Craig in an Italian in Cheadle.
Worked on Saturday and Sunday.
coffee with Marta in town.
Worked again on Monday and then went riding ( for the first time in ages really enjoyed riding Kate)
Spending lots of quality time with Craig.
So really a lot of work, work and more work.

Sleet & Rain

My man ( as Lizzie has so named him) had the marvelous idea of taking Blue and I for a walk in the countryside on my day off. However, due to no fault of his own I hasten to state, the weather wasn't great. Sleet, rain and freezing wind did not add to the fun of walking around Entwistle resevoir. Believe it or not we still managed to walk for an hour and a halve, deciding that the planned 5 hour walk maybe slightly too long considering the weather and that we have a dog who hates the rain! Best decision of the day.....:o)
It was really good fun really I'm exaggerating and I am very pleased to say that I didn't get upset when we had to wade through marshes and water because we were rather rubbish at reading the map we had with us. And anyone who knows me knows that being cold, wet and feeling slightly lost are not great combinations for me. For the next walk I'm buying an OS map, putting on waterproof trousers and my old walking boots may have to come out as well. The walk had it's bonuses- kissing gates and a lot of them. Ingenious names ;0)
Also the pub meal and beating Craig at Pool made it all completely worth it. Also Blue had his first pub experience, I think he will make a good Pub dog. So all in all a wonderful day and great to be outdoors and not lost as to what to do on my day off. Also have to add Homemade Cheshire Chocolate rocks.
On another note I have booked my flight (10 days in Canada coming up), paid my car tax and had my 5 promised shifts at work. So all is well as Mr. Anonymous foresaw.

Mysterious self

This morning I have been pondering why it is that our rational brain can tell us one thing but our whole body and heart reacts in panic and nervousness when faced with tricky situations? I know that small amounts of adrenalin are good for you but this level is surely dangerous. I'm already shattered by the sheer stress I put myself under. All self made stress by leaving tricky situations to the last minute. After 27 years of knowing and living with myself I should know that I am an organiser and shouldn't leave things to the last moment for fear of giving me a panic attack. But alas in my attempt to please every person in my life I run myself ragged. So here is the story: It's my Dad's 60th birthday in March- a rather important event. At my interview at Nero's two weeks ago I said that I may need time off- May?!?!?! I really want to go so it's a yes I want time off situation. But oh no I'm thinking "they may not employ me" "Craig will only have been back for a period of time and will be upset with me" So I say " I may need time off" then don't say anything straight away leaving it to 3 weeks before hand, when flights are in short supply and expensive and I have lost countless minutes of sleep over it all. When all in all I want to go and know that it's really important to do so. I wish I could explain this kind of behaviour within me. I mean it's not like I didn't know my Dad was turning 60 this year. But I really can't. So yes near panic attack just because I've done it all at the last moment. And it's now time to get ready for work and it's still not all sorted. Brain and actions don't always work together in my life.......

After Parties

Now if you read my blog from last weekend you will know that I am not against parties and clubing but when an after party wakes me up at 4am I really can't stand it. Oh yes some lads who live in one of the flats in Marta's place came back and were very loud, so got no sleep on Saturday. Then had to do a shift on Sunday afternoon. I did obviously survive but why are people so ridicously unaware of anyone else in their surroundings!?

Today has made up for it all. Firstly I have an extra shift tomorrow at a different store, which was a major answer to prayer. I've only been scheduled in for 4 shifts at my store which ain't enough to live on. So gettting another shift is great. Then I got a call from the boyf and he took me and Blue out to the pub for lunch and then a lovely walk around Lyme Park. It seems the place to be (see Sally D's blog). Discovered the watchtower in the woods and had a wonderful moment overlooking Manchester. Realising how small we are in comparison to the world and that God created it all and us and whatever is going on he knows about it. A moment to reflect, appreciate quiet and to breathe deeply and freely. Loved it :o)

I love my Craig for being spontaneous and taking me out on my days off. Tomorrow we are house viewing (he is purchasing on his own before anyone panics). I drove past the house (well I think I did from his description). It is only 1 mile away from the stables and overlooks a field. I have a feeling it is beautiful. So despite hardly any sleep, aching feet, knees and that time of the month life is good.

Tiredness

I don' t think I have ever felt this tired or have ached this much in my life. Seriously not. I think part of the problem has been that I still think I can do everything around my shifts as well as my shifts. Have to slow down, have to slow down. Had a difficult shift situation yesterday as they messed me about. Was also paid in a cheque! Not a lot for the effort you have to put in.

Working all weekend. Actually realised the time and I have to shoot. Dog, Guinea Pig and Flat sitting for Marta for one night. Should be fun.

Freak Body

It's official my body is officially freaky. I have a curve in my spine which apparently means I should be about 2 inches taller and now I've discovered that one of my feet is actually about 1/2 to nearly a shoe size smaller. Had to fork out for supports and hopefully that will help reduce the feet ache and back ache I'm getting at work. Slightly scary if it doesn't get better, as the thought does cross my mind that I may have to give up the dream job if it causes me to much aches and pains.

My wonderful boyfriend came and picked me up after work and I'm so glad. A: Because I love seeing him and it makes me smile but last night there was a reason B: My lovely housemate Sally D got mugged right outside our house. I got a txt about it from our neighbour the watchful Ellie but if I had to have walked from the busstop knowing that they were out there-in the dark- I would have been far more scared. So yes everyone wants us to move out. Don't get me wrong part of me wants to too, but another part is a bit stubborn and thinks that would be giving in to the fear.

Got up this morning and the doors had been barricaded with tables, long mirros, chairs and a bike. Quite funny in a strange sort of way. The landlord should be changing locks this morning. Let's hope that happens.

Photos....

Yeah, I managed to do it after all. So two posts in one day. Here is a pic of Craig and I taken in the wonderful city of Milan. Yes a bit out of date (taken in October) but hey it's the one I have....:o)

So in case anyone out there has wondered what we both look like here is the answer.
It's a bit dark so may replace it soon, once I get a more recent photo of us. In the meantime I have discovered that if you click on photos they come up larger and clearer! The wonders of modern technology.

Daily

Wow I've updated this blog daily for a bit now. That's rather amazing. So Craig and I managed to nearly buy each other identical valentine cards! Freaky, yet very endearing. We went to Felicini's in Didsbury for a rather romantic dinner, yet with our usual humour including me managing to get my heel caught in the doorway on the way out and suddenly being barefoot. And I only had one glass of Red wine. I'm glad it wasn't a first date! :o)

I thought it was about time I posted some more photos on this blog. But Blogger ain't playing ball tonight. Maybe I can master this later on.

Music I love

Anyone heard the new version of Candi Stanton's "You've got the love" by The Source? Highly recommned listening to it even if you don't like dance. It's a dance tune with the most amazing words. And yes she was a soul singer and the lyrics are about non other then our Jesus! Another reason why I love Dance music they ain't ashamed to use Soul/ Gospel vocals and pump out the good news of Jesus. Listening to that tune makes me realise that God has had his ways in mainstream music for like ages. No more striving, he's doing it anyway:o) we just need to encourage those doing it whether knowingly or unknowingly.

By the way Happy Valentine's to everyone:o)

Clubing like the old days

How I love dancing to Hard trance house. Why oh why do I not go more often? Last night I, Craig, his mate Anthony and his girlfriend Sonia went to Garlands and G-Bar in Liverpool. It was so much fun. I really like Antony and Sonia, especially Sonia, really get on with her despite only having met her three times. At first I didn't feel like I would have the energy to go having a cold and having worked a very busy Saturday shift at Nero's. But as always happens once the good music was found and that beat kicked in the energy just came surging. I love it, love it, love it. I really don't understand why it is in such dark places that I connect with God as much as I do. It's like I begin to feel fully alive with every part of my body buzzing. And then he starts talking: About me, about Liverpool and it's prophetic destination, feeling the angels dance with me and the rest of the crowd. Mmmm now I even think I'm starting to sound strange. LOL. But it's true. So Liz and Rich you live in a great city.
Upstairs in Garlands was a bit to much for me in terms of the smoke machine. They really pumped out the smoke. You couldn't see more then a meter in front of you and because I have a cold it really irritated my nose. Have never understood why they do the whole 'creating a fog so you can't see thing. Good job Craig and I have the same taste in music and love the Hard House stuff and could spend most of the time downstairs. Towards 2-3am it got a bit too hard even for my liking, so we went over to G-Bar. I loved the fact that I got home at about 6am and then woke up at 1.30pm.:o) And to top it all off I don't have to be back at work until Wednesday. Granted at 6.30am for opening, but nevertheless I have two days off.

Right now I'm at home with a fry up lunch/breakfast type meal and an espresso with chocolate cake and I feel alive, despite the tiredness kicking in. Still partly in my pyjamas at 4.15pm. Life is good.

Co-perate rules suck.....

Last night I had my first experience of the ridiculous rules co-operate businesses make. I did my first close last night. As Thursday is late night closing it meant leaving the store around 8.30pm. At the end of the day all food that can't be kept for the next day is distributed amongst the staff. What isn't taken away is thrown.
So we are walking up to the bus stop in Picadilly Gardens when I see this homeless guy with a very cute dog and I'm thinking to myself that I have all this food I may as well give him some. So in my ignorance I did. He was very grateful. (no wonder it was freezing cold) But here comes the ridiculous apparently you are not allowed to do that and if managers find out you get told off.....
As usual I find it hard to break the rules even though I know it was the right thing to do. Personally I have no idea what they fear- some homeless dude dying off food poising?- well then why let staff have it? I think it's more likely they don't want their products to be seen with the homeless. But I could have just been a random customer who bought him some food. Why can't these companies see it as a selling point? They could so hit the headlines with being a charitable organisation. There is so much food that goes to waste. All they need to do is team up with a homeless charity and get organised. An idea I will investigate at my own shop. If they are not going to do it I'll just keep that nugget to myself.

A Barista's life

My hands smell of coffee and my feet hurt but I'm so happy. The first 5 hours were brilliant fun. Felt a bit in the way at times, but impressed everyone and how quickly I pick things up. Little do they know that I have practised my Latte making skills for ages now:o)

Tomorrow I have to be in "the office" at 6.30am, how scary is that?! I'm working in a multi national team. There is Emma and Ellen from Sweden. A German girl, Nadya from Algeria and Julie from Liverpool. This is going to be tremendous fun. Lots of free coffee for me. Unfortunately I'm not allowed to give out coffee to friends, family or enemies.... (not that I have any of the latter).

But if anyone does ever fancy coming in to visit please do- At the moment I'm at the Deansgate store near Suburb, opposite Moon under Water. Not for long as I'll be Assistant Manager-hopefully- in the new store in April.

Well off for some grub.

Late starts

Well today is the first day of my new job. Very excited and a bit nervous, only natural. The excitement is definitely stronger then the nervousness. I think what does make me the most nervous is the change of lifestyle the shift patterns will evoke. But I'm looking forward to it as I have hated 9-5 for the last 4-5 years. Ain't 9-5 anymore.
I don't start till 10.45am. Brilliant. Mind it is probably their busiest time of the day over lunchtime. Next week the proper shifts start.

Craig is now back and we had a lovely day catching up and hand over of the dog. Poor little thing was a little confused as to why I packed up all his stuff and put it in the car. Heart wrenching crying from the pup. But he is in good hands.:o)

Ups and Downs

It amazes me how quickly one can get from being happy to being sad. My head is truly screwed, I keep reading into what people say living under a lot of unecessary guilt. Instead of being totally happy that at last after 3 months of trapsing around nearly every Nero and Starbucks store in Greater Manchester I have a job I feel guilty that I am starting when Craig still has a day off. I don't think I'm cut out for relationships. Really far to much hard work to consider someone else all the time. I need God to come and heal that mind of mine and restore some good old self confidence and self-worth.
Right that winge is over and it is really a winge. Tried to find some black trousers for the new job. How difficult is that one. Found a brilliant pair of Hooch ones that I loved but all sizes 8, 12 and 1o didn't fit. Figure that one out?! Am I just an odd shape or what.!!! Anyone else have trouser problems out there? It seems that these days you can't find a pair that doesn't show off your belly button..... The mysteries of fashion.

New Job

Whooo. Had a suprise interview today with Geoff the Area Manager for Caffe Nero here in the North West and I have a job. Start as a shift leader. Pay is a bit crappy but at last I have stuck to the plan. Been pushing various different doors and this one has opened.:o) Starting on Tuesday, day after Craig is getting back. Bit bummed about the timing, would have liked a day with him once he got over his jet lag, but after running around for months to get a job I really needed to start. Hope he understands. I'm sure he will, I do often underestimate him.

Very excited. 2006 is going to be a good year, I can feel it.

Surveyors and things

It seems so hard to find an unit or shop for sale. Went to see yet another one in Altrincham. Bit far away but good business and great location. Am I to naive to do this on my own? Probably but a risk worth taking.
Also had a breakthrough on Monday night which didn't hit me until yesterday. About 1 year ago I made a mistake with Kate's bridal- hadn't been told it was changed and got a txt saying that I really hurt her mouth. I totally went to pieces and beat myself up over it. Realised that i could have really hurt her again on Monday but instead of going to pieces over it I realised that it wasn't my fault at all as I hadn't been told any different. Progress in the healing of the mind process. Thank the Lord.
Also went for drinks with Sally D and Laura last night which was very good fun.